The Problem with Vampires Part 2: The exhaustive history of real vampires

If you read part one of this series, you may be asking “which sauce goes best with tortellini?” The answer, of course, is “you read the wrong article.” This is about vampires, not pasta.*

Now, once you’ve read the correct article, Einstein, you’ll see that we’ve scientifically proven that today’s vampires are boring. You’re welcome. But…