“Now I have become Death, the destroyer of worlds.” From the Bee Gees Greatest Hits.

Fans of terrible fashion, uncertain economic times, chaotic international events, and the promise of global extinction are all in for a treat this decade. The last few years have demonstrated that the Universe has pulled out the National Malaise album and started blasting that vinyl, because if you’ve been watching carefully, the 2020s are playing the brain-asphyxiating 1970’s greatest hits. We hope you like bell bottoms and feathered hair, brother, because we’re in for a wild ride.

But don’t believe us. Believe this chart:

Editor’s note: Kinky Pinky once worked as an enforcer for the KRAK drug cartel in the 1980s video game NARC. He is currently unemployed.

If you believe the “news,” the economy is recovering from the pandemic. Not only that, but there are tons of jobs that people just aren’t even applying for. Well, don’t be fooled. There are some people out there who want to be able to work, but can’t. I’m talking about hard working people, who aren’t afraid to roll up their nappy, nasty clown sleeves and stab people. But it seems that drug cartels suddenly have no…

Main Photo by Matthew Ronder-Seid on Unsplash. Customer service rep photo by Jay Goodman.

It comes in many forms, in many ways.

Perhaps during your morning shower and shave you noticed that your hairline is in full retreat, or maybe a bald spot has set up a beachhead on the back of your skull. It could be that you looked in the mirror and your dad was looking back at you. …

Just over one year ago, on June 17, 2020, the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence and Watching Too Much Television ordered the US Intelligence Community (IC) to put together a report on all the space aliens . Why? Maybe the US is just sick of all the probing, and wants to do some probing of her own.

Senator Marco Rubio (R — Florida, of course) led the charge to instruct the Director of National Intelligence to produce a “detailed analysis” of all the intelligence and data collected by Federal agencies on UFOs, a detailed description of interagency processes “for ensuring…

On 20 Aug 1977, the United States launched the space probe Voyager 2 on a mission to study Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus (*snicker*), Ur Mama, Neptune, and the outer reaches of the solar system. Then, evidently realizing they forgot about Voyager 1, another launch was conducted on 5 Sept 1977, which also targeted our far-flung celestial neighbors.

This was the team in charge of numbering the Voyager missions

But were these dual scientific feats really expressions of just American ingenuity? The fact that we just posed this in the form of a question would suggest they were not. True, the US had been flexing big time with the Apollo moon missions since…

President Biden speaks to the troops at RAF Mildenhall. You probably didn’t know that.

I’ve noticed that many of you out there are very wrong about things involving foreign policy. I know it’s tempting to think you understand that nuances of international relations, but as an expert, it is my job to inform you that whatever it is you think about something is, without question, incorrect.

Take, for instance, President Joe Biden’s recent meetings with the G7, followed by his highly anticipated first summit with Vladimir Putin. Did you think Biden looked poised? In control? That he helped unify the economic powers of the West and reaffirmed America’s commitment to NATO?

Wrong. With the…

This is the latest installment of Damper Three’s award-wanting investigative series, The True Costs of the Six Million Dollar Man, which seeks to unearth the truth behind the development and use of the world’s first bionic secret agent. Read Part 1 , Part 2 , and Part 3 , if you haven’t already, to learn the background of Col. Steve Austin and the secretive Office of Scientific Intelligence for which he worked.

In this latest of our ongoing Pulitzer-lacking series, we take a look at a massive US government coverup of an incident surrounding a Soviet space probe that invaded…

Time pieces pic by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash. Pic of man by George Hodan on https://www.publicdomainpictures.net/

It happens to all of us, eventually. If you’ve avoided it so far, then congratulations. But your luck won’t last. Eventually you’ll be visited by your smarmy, time-travelling self from the future, and he will just NOT. SHUT. UP about something he thinks you should or shouldn’t do.

“Don’t marry that girl that once tried to steal your kidney,” he’ll say, no matter how much she promised it was just a phase and she’ll probably never do it again.

“Don’t start that rocket company to try and compete with Elon Musk because you have no idea how to run a…

I started to suspect that someone hacked my Facebook account sometime last week. I woke up one morning and found a confusing direct message from my pal, Fred.

“Bro,” said Fred. “You were so right. Sheila and me, we made up and now we’re committed to making things work. You helped save us, buddy. Thank you!”

I had no idea Fred and Sheila were having problems. I don’t even like Sheila. If I’m being honest, I don’t like Fred either. But at the time I just scratched my head, replied “k”, and went about my day.

More odd things started…

This may come as a surprise to the young people out there, but in the past a person could safely learn about an expected baby’s gender without fear of carnage or massive destruction of property. What used to be handled by a card sent through the mail or a Facebook post has escalated in a manner not unlike a Russian military buildup on the Ukrainian border. Every week we read news of the aftermath of another senseless act of gender revelation. One of the most recent was so destructive it made local residents think there had been an earthquake.


W.E. Linde

Business analyst, former military intelligence officer, amateur historian, blogger/writer at DamperThree.com, satirist at times as a Duffel Blog contributor.

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